Friday, November 4, 2011

You are what you read, or see!

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Ever wondered if the morning page of newspaper you open first says something about your unique quality. It is something more than just an interest.The other day, I realized - the news we want to read does actually show the things we prioritize over others. So, here's what it is!
1. The sports page:  You prefer a $200 million football transfer over a  $200 million scam. You prefer sledging over parliament chappal fights. You relate better with Indian squad rather than the reshuffled cabinet team. You think you actually were meant for the post match analysis where some previous cricketers who got lucky are talking shit. If you open this page of the newspaper first without giving a rat's ass to the front page, you are not an idiot as your dad says, you actually are more concerned with men's victories, the ecstasy of triumph and how winners mean bussiness. You believe biggest jackasses are the guys running the sports and that you would do a better job, even if you do it part-time. You know the difference between a neo sports and a star cricket match. You make a facebook status after every great sports feat. Life is a game for you and that is a cool way to ruffle through your time. Keep criticizing the bad players, no matter how you suck in the game. You are the one and not the only though--- sports pundit!
2. The oomph page : the sallu-aish relationship has made you read the whole article  but not the cliched india-pak relationship. You stop on pics that made it to the hottest magazines. You know this movie will flop terribly just by a little trailer-wondering how the director didn't realize that. You think you have a better dressing sense than most of the page3  celebs and if given a break by a very own godfather, you can rock the rumour mills and the glam show. You have a taste of English shows although sometimes you laugh just because of  the filled  laughing noises. You even grow interest in the rumours of your social network, with the latest updates of breakups. You check relationship status of people on facebook and read profiles to know their interests.Look no further, you were always meant to be the guy who loves limelight. You are the legendary ---Glam king. Go rock the party, you beast. You were always meant to be there.
3. The editorial: you are an ias or an MBA aspirant who was told to read this stuff. You either have already left it or You somehow have got addicted and feel no less than a shobhaa de or a vir sanghvi. You develop a pros cons mindset for smallest things in life - be it buying a pen. You feel enlightened and make sure you have a thing to say for any discussion. Wikipedia is the second most opened page on your laptopm after Google. Your facebook status are about how bad society is, even if you can't do a fucking thing to fix it. You share intellectual links on fb, and people take no pain even understanding the headline.You hate the politicians. You know what separates toi and Hindu. You hate people who speak shit confidentally. You were even associated with school debates where you ended up thumping the table, asking where justice is? You are the special gyan guru whose mind is a database of facts and figures. take pride!
4. The city news: you read about the bus accidents, rapes , murders, thefts, and snatchings. You think police is lame and the justice lamer. You find no reason why India TV sucks. You double check your home lock before leaving.  You drive slow and avoid going alone at places. You smell crime everywhere and are mostly using the punch line -pata hai wahan kya hua. You hate the city for its condition. but care a shit when throwing wrappers on the road. You think you are the only one who understands how cruel the world is and that there's no place for innocents. You argue with the vendors, always suspectimg they are overcharging you. You are grumpy and believe in sabse pehle khud ki jai Karo. You are the smartest city citizen, go fight the world.
5. Front page: really?

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